Am I as Lost as I thought?

The best way to describe how I feel right now, is that I’m scared. I turn 27 in a couple of days and graduate with my Masters degree in less than a month. The pressure is on. It is time for me to take action in becoming who I want to be, what I want to do, and where I want to go. Through writing this blog, I’ve realized that I am not lost. Rather, my life is no longer being written out for me. It’s time for me to write my own story.

For this blog, I had one of my close friends who has been following my posts ask me questions relating to my own personal goals and transitions.

Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Q: What is your main priority?

My priority in life is to make a difference. I live to help others physically, mentally, and emotionally whether it is professionally or casually. My priority is to have a family and a place I can call my home. My priority is to find my life’s purpose and to constantly challenge me to be my best self.

Q: What actions have you taken to reach these goals?

My priority the last three years has been to complete my MBA. I have put the rest of my life on hold in order to focus on this single goal. In the beginning, I tried to do it all. I was personal training full time, going to school full time, and attempting to work a second job to support my financial situation. Later rather than soon, I found out that this was not a sustainable plan. I burnt myself out. I was unable to give my one hundred percent to these things that mattered most to me. I was forced to make a choice. I realized that not only was it not fair to my clients, but I was no longer being fair to myself. I have struggled throughout my life with putting myself first. I felt selfish by making myself a priority but I realized that if I didn’t take care of myself, I could never be able to help others. I chose my education in hopes that it would better me to be the best possible coach/influencer that I could be.

Q: Would these goals change after an unforeseen situation occurred, if so how?

This last year, I was challenged with obstacles no one could ever prepare me for. Last summer, I left a job I had worked at for seven years. I felt I had lost my family- the people I considered dear to me slowly began to fade away. Shortly after, I was forced to move out of my home because the owners decided to sell it, and all though I attempted to buy the house, I just couldn’t pull it off. Thankfully I had supportive friends who helped me find a new home. I felt that I was on the rise from the hole I felt I was in.

A few months later, October 1, 2018, my house was ran into by a drunk driver. That drunk driver was my roommate. Thankfully I was not home at the time, but it left me in another unpredictable life circumstance. Still to this day my things are sitting in that house. I lost my best friend and I am still currently staying at my Dads. I had to once again, reevaluate my life and my priorities.

         This final semester in my graduate program at UNR, I have taken on nine credits which is the most credits I’ve taken this far. I have class Monday through Thursday and every other Saturday while working full time. My goals have not changed but my immediate priorities definitely have. I had to pick what was most important to me- right here right now. I had to compromise my relationship, my friendships, my fitness and health regimen, and hobbies. Doing it all was not sustainable. I had to remind myself that everything is temporary and I needed to finish strong in school. I only had a few months left and after that I could again readjust.

Q: Does the risk of failing outweigh the pursuit of what you truly want to do?

During this last year, I felt I was no longer actively pursuing my goals. I stopped personal training and chose a job that could compliment my school schedule and mandatory health insurance to be a graduate student. I did not get the immediate gratification day to day helping others as I had done for the last seven years. Because of this, I began to lose myself- my goals began to blur.

I am so scared of failing that I find myself conforming to what is expected of me from others- graduate and get a job that makes money. If you were to ask me, “If you could do anything in the world, what would you do?” My answer would be to open an adaptive gym in Reno, Nevada, to help people with physical disabilities. I feel that taking this venture, would put me at risk of failing myself by not building a successful business. I believe that I have the experience and knowledge to be a successful trainer, and the resources and networking to open the doors. On the other hand, I don’t believe I am prepared to run a business with out the hands on experience of what goes on behind the scenes.

With that being said, I don’t believe that this is how anyone should live their lives. As I have mentioned in a previous blog, success does not lead to happiness, happiness leads to success. The worse thing that can happen with pursuing your dreams is failing, but that isn’t the end of the world. I have always said that I would rather try and fail than never try and regret. It is easy to be comfortable and nothing that is worth it comes easy. We have to be able to find the courage and the strength to be disciplined and driven to achieve our goals. No one knows you better than you do, so don’t let society or others keep you from pursing your dreams. Stay true to yourself.

Photo Credit: Mikala Huebner

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